it should be illegal to say “it’s not you, it’s me” during a break up. it’s stupid and it doesn’t mean anything.

being dumped tells me i dont have to sleep and i dont have to eat. sleeping 3 hours a night and living off of cigarettes and alcohol and feeling ok.

Lol you know how you go through a break up and then all of a sudden youre back on the bar scene.

Iā€™m totally at a bar right now.

Hashtag got dumped.

I love that the ‘save’ symbol is a floppy disk and the newest generation is like ‘lol wut is that’?

I see you in the bar wearing sunglasses and thinking about posting your selfie on instagram with the caption ‘I wear my sunglasses at night.’

DON’T DO IT.

I just overheard a coworker making fun of my clothes. Really? Does high school never end?

High school reunion investments: push up bra and spanx

Heard on the radio today:
“What if you could take a pill and just lose weight and you don’t even have to try? The thing is, it costs $4,000. The way it works is—”

Heard on the radio today:
“What if you could take a pill and just lose weight and you don’t even have to try? The thing is, it costs $4,000. The way it works is—”

sharpayevons:

"At least you love me." I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away